I Do, I Think
by DramaQueen1133
Summary: AU Human Nature. To hide from the family, Rose and the Doctor must hide in 2013 London. Leaving it up to the TARDIS to create a back story, Rose is not prepared for the role she has to play in the Doctor's human life.Rating may go up to M in future chap.
1. Human

**This basically sparked from a conversation with a friend I had at school. We thought it would have been great to see Human Nature with Rose. But then she tossed in the idea of Rose having to play the role of his wife. That plagued me for a few days, so I decided that I had to write it down basically. I also have a vague idea of where I'm going with this..... xx**

Rose rolled over to face the sleeping man beside her. She smiled as he placed an arm around her waist, drawing her closer. Bringing her hand up to his chest, she frowned as she felt the one heart beat thrumming away. Closing her eyes, she tried to banish the memories rising within her.

"_What is that?" Rose gazed at the silver machine, almost helmet like in appearance._

"_It's a chameleon arch. It's going to rewrite my biology, literally changes every cell in my body." The Doctor watched her face carefully as she processed this._

"_Changes you into what?" She whispered. The Doctor swallowed and took her hand._

"_A human."_

Rose sighed and pulled away from him, flinging one arm over her face. As she did, she caught sight of the glittering diamond ring on her left hand.

"_The TARDIS is going to provide us both with a background story, time and place. Whatever it is, you're going to have to go along with it. I'm going to recognise you as whatever the TARDIS tells me to."_

Groaning, she twisted the ring around her finger. They could've been anything to each other, absolutely anything. And then the TARDIS makes her his wife.

"_How am I going to know what that story is?" Rose followed him around the console, frowning as he pulled a pocket watch out of his pocket._

"_I'm sorry Rose, but you're not. Whatever I recognise you as, that's what you're going to have to go along with." He paused as she buried her face in her hands._

"_You alright?" She nodded and exhaled, placing her hands on her hips._

"_I'm fine. But…just, how long are you going to go away for?" The Doctor clicked the watch into place and took her by the shoulders._

"_Think of them like mayflies. Three months and then they're gone. Then you can open the watch." Rose's eyes sparkled with tears._

"_Three months?" He nodded slowly, and she offered him a smile._

"_Easy." The Doctor grinned back and chucked her chin._

"_That's my Rose." She laughed, and the Doctor ran back to the chameleon arch, pressing buttons as he went._

"_One last thing Rose. This process is going to hurt me. A lot. So please, don't try to stop it, we can't afford anything to go wrong." _

The Doctor's screams echoed in Rose's mind, and she tensed her body, willing them to go away.

"What's wrong love?" Her eyes shot open as she heard the gruff voice beside her.

"Nothing John. Just a headache." Turning on her side to face him, she smiled reassuringly.

"What time is it?" Rose glanced at the clock beside her.

"It's still early. Just gone six." John nodded as he yawned, and drew her into an embrace. Rose stiffened as she felt his hands wander lower than generally acceptable. He kissed the side of her neck, making his way across her collar bone.

"John, I can't. Please." Rose shoved him away gently, trying to ignore the hurt in his eyes.

"Rose, what's the problem? Over the past couple of weeks, whenever I even try to suggest sex to you, or when I kiss you, it's just…do you not love me anymore? Is that it?" His voice broke as he finished. Rose sat up and brought her knees to her chest.

"Of course I love you John." She murmured. The complications of being married to her best friend were daunting. If she gave into what he wanted, and almost always what her body wanted…then surely that would be some kind of abuse on her behalf. It's not like it was the Doctor, it was a different person altogether.

"We need to talk about this Rose." He sat up beside her and took her hand, playing with the ring on her finger.

"I know John. Just not now. Later, please?" Rose turned her eyes upon him, and he caved at the sight of the glittering chocolate orbs. Sighing, he kissed the back of their entwined hands.

"I love you Rose." John avoided her gaze, and she felt the guilt pulse through her veins. Leaning over, she kissed him gently, allowing him to wrap his arms around her. Rose settled into the kiss, leisurely moving her lips against his. She frowned however, when she felt the evidence of his arousal pressing against her.

"We both need to get up now. We're going to be late." John pouted as she drew away, but nodded nevertheless. Rose giggled and slapped his arm lightly.

"Stop being such a child." He crossed his eyes at her and made his way to the mahogany chest of drawers in their bedroom. Rose had had a tough time trying to find an apartment for the two of them on such short notice. The Doctor had warned her that he's be asleep for at least three days after the transformation. So she had to prepare whatever she could in that time. So, with him tucked away in her bed, she had scoured the city. It was a pleasant surprise however, to find them not so far from her time. 2013 to be exact. The three months that they were to stay there, would take them into January of the next year. As if everything wasn't enough, she'd have to stress about Christmas as well.

"Rose. Can I tell you something?" John turned slowly from the chest of drawers, having found his jeans.

"Course you can." He fiddled with a piece of fluff on the denim, avoiding her eyes.

"Lately, I've been having….these dreams. They're so strange, but…so real." Rose crossed the room quickly, her mind clouding with worry.

"What kind of dreams? Are they nightmares?" She remembered the time after canary wharf, when she found him in his room. Nightmares had been plaguing him for the past few weeks, but he had not wanted to say anything to worry her. Rose remembered how…intense those nightmares could be. John smiled sheepishly at her.

"No. They're a bit….adventure like, being honest. In them, I'm a hero. A daredevil…sometimes I think possibly a madman." Rose stepped back slightly, becoming suspicious.

"Tell me more." John smiled and set his jeans down, hesitating before pulling a drawer open.

"Well, now you ask…." He fished around a bit, before pulling out a small notebook, with a glossy deep blue cover. He gave it to Rose, handling it with almost intense care. Taking it from him, Rose frowned as she opened the cover.

"I've written them all down. I didn't know if you wanted to see them, but…I kinda feel that now's the time." She glanced up and couldn't help but smile at the blush gracing his face. Rose murmured a quick comfort, and brushed her hand down his arm as she read the front page.

'_A Journal Of Impossible Things'_

**Hope you liked. Tell me what you think xx**


	2. Surprises

**Just s short chapter for now, the next one should be up on Monday. **

John hovered nervously over Rose's shoulder as she flicked through the pages. She studied each page with intensity, tracing each sketch with her fingertips.

"Who's this?" Rose whispered as she gazed at a drawing of a man's face.

"The person I am in these dreams, had other….incarnations let's say. And he had ten, before becoming me. That was the first." He said in an equally hushed tone. Rose nodded and continued to go through the pages. Beside her, she felt John's body tense as she turned the page. There was a sketch of her. But this was different to the others. The rest were drawn in what seemed like a mad rush, desperate to get them on the page before the memory was lost. But her portrait was drawn with delicacy and flourish. Each little detail, even down to the length of her hair and fringe, were perfect. Underneath, and across the opposite page, were the words 'perfect rose'. Written again and again.

"John." She breathed, and felt him kiss the top of her head.

"In my dreams Rose, you're my companion. And I love you, and I'm fairly sure that you love me. But I can't tell you…it's all fairly complex inside that man's head." She could feel the pinprick of tears welling up in her eyes, and she furiously squeezed them shut.

"What's wrong?" He wrapped his arms around her waist, and she leant into his embrace.

"Nothing, it's just…it's a surprise." Rose thankfully stopped her voice from wavering to much.

"You're my wife Rose. I love you. Why should it be a surprise for me to express it, even if it is just writing it down? Doesn't say much about my performance as a husband, does it?" John laughed, if somewhat nervously. Rose turned around and kissed him hard, taking him by surprise. He was even more surprised however, when she pulled away quickly, shaking her head as if from a daze.

"Rose?"

"I'm gonna take a shower yeah? Be ten minutes." She left John standing awkwardly as she backed out of the room.

..........................................................

As the hot water pounded onto her skin, Rose cried. It wasn't fair. She could've been anything, anything but this. She knew how hard it would be, living with a stranger in the place of the Doctor for three months. But listening to his declarations of love, letting him kiss her, and knowing it wasn't really the Doctor…it was going to drive her insane. But that was taking it to far, beyond her limit. A part of her wanted to believe what he had said, that the Doctor really did love her. But he wasn't the Doctor, and her being his wife could easily affect the way he dreamt about her. Everything was getting to complicated. She almost welcomed the escape of work.

.........................................................

Rose wiped down the table with a strange ferocity, frowning as she did so. John watched her from outside the café, his mouth set in a small smile. Even as she was scrubbing tables, she looked beautiful. He had decided to surprise her on his lunch break from the university. She was being distant lately, and her unwillingness to kiss him or do anything more was unsettling. So, as soon as the university let him go, he rushed straight to the flower shop, buying the most expensive bouquet of white roses he could find. Exhaling softly, he stepped into the shop, hearing the little bell ring. Rose glanced up and smiled at him, eyebrows raised.

"John, what are you doing here?" He stepped forwards and offered her the flowers, a grin crossing his face.

"For you." Rose looked from him to the flowers, and threw a glance towards the girls at the bar. All of them were standing there with soppy smiles on their faces, cooing and awing at her husband's generosity. John stepped forwards to kiss her, and for appearance's sake, Rose let him. He spun her round slightly, and smiled.

"I missed you. A lot."

"I missed you to John." Rose giggled as he noticed the attention from her work friend's and set her down again. Glancing between them and Rose, he lowered his voice.

"I was thinking, that we go to the park for lunch. Sit out in the gardens for a bit, you know…have lunch and stuff." Rose smiled at the look on his face, and it's resemblance to a puppy.

"Yes, fine. Let me get my coat." He kissed her cheek and stood, hands clasped behind his back, waiting.

"He's so sweet Rose. I wish my Jimmy would do something like that." Felicity whispered to her as Rose leant over the bar to grab her coat.

"He is sweet." Rose said simply, hoping to finish the conversation at that. Felicity however, was not done.

"Well, you make sure you thank him tonight." She whispered with a wink. Rose couldn't help but laugh out loud in surprise.

"See, you say that, and I wish you meant verbally. But knowing you, it's probably something wildly inappropriate." Felicity shrugged and went back to work, smirking all the while.

**Did you love it, did you hate it? Let me know. I'll try to get it up by Monday if I'm not sick from to much chocolate eggs lol. xx**


	3. Playing The Part

Rose relaxed against the bench in the park, basking in the sun. John had dragged her to a secluded spot in the back of the green. There was a small bench surrounded by bushes, which had clearly overgrown, as they had to squeeze through a small gap to get to the seat. Their little spot was quiet and no one could see them. Rose welcomed the escape, enjoying the bright yellow flowers around her.

"Here you go. I made it. Hope I didn't mess it up though." John frowned and rummaged through his shoulder bag, to bring out two Tupperware boxes. Rose opened it eagerly, her stomach growling. She groaned as a delicious aroma hit her full force. It was some kind of pasta and chicken combination, but whatever it was smelt amazing.

"You made this?" Rose laughed, remembering her Doctor's inability to cook. John puffed out his chest slightly, in what Rose could only describe as pride.

"Well, I've been reading those cook books we have in the kitchen. You know, been trying out a few things, and voila! Of course it was pure luck that it ended up so good!" He gestured grandly to the pasta, grinning madly. Rose leant over and kissed him softly.

"Well, thank you John. I love it." Rose giggled as he blushed and looked down at his food. She frowned slightly as she felt butterflies erupt in her stomach, and her heart start to thud. He was so different from the Doctor. He didn't seem to possess that self importance the Doctor had. John was almost bashful and so shy about his achievements. The Doctor would push her away and pull her in again, but John….he always seemed to crave her love. Need her acceptance. Knowing that made Rose hurt terribly. She had been so distant to a man who knew no better. For all he knew, they were married, and she loved him and he loved her. Rose made a choice to play her role a bit more at that moment. Maybe she could hold off the sex, but kissing certainly wasn't so bad….and the Doctor would tell her to stop with her human restraints and play the part. So really, whatever happened, technically it was his own fault.

............................................................

John picked Rose up from work, and they walked home together in general silence. As they walked alongside the canal, Rose stopped him.

"John. Can I speak with you, for a minute." He stopped and glanced around, settling for a small wall on the embankment. He lead Rose over and sat her on his lap, gazed at her expectantly. Rose looked away, choosing instead to stare at the orange streetlamps glow in the water.

"On a scale of one to ten John, how happy are you with me?" John spluttered for a moment.

"What kind of question is that, eh? What's wrong?" Rose buried her face in his neck, trying not to burst into tears.

"It's just, I've been so mean to you. And so distant, and cold, and I'm sorry. I don't mean to be, but I've just been messed up for a while. But I want you to know, it's gonna get better. I promise." John stroked her back and kissed her neck.

"Rose, I know there's been some problems with our relationship, especially the physical side. But it's not entirely your fault Rose. Look, Somewhere along the line, I must have done something-"

"But you haven't! Look at me John, you haven't. It was me, and I promise that everything will get better. Promise." She whispered her promise, and kissed him soundly.

...........................................................

The next week, John bounded down the stairs, coming to a stop in the kitchen. Rose turned away from the stove, to flash him a smile. He grinned back at her and kissed her softly.

"You and me, Rose Tyler, are going Christmas shopping." Rose set the hob to a lower heat, and leant against the counter.

"S'bit early for that isn't it?" John pulled something from his back pocket, and waved it in front of Rose. She frowned and plucked it from his hands.

"What's this?" It was a long white envelope, and John looked absurdly pleased with himself. He placed his hands on either side of her, and kissed down the side of her neck.

"That, my dear, darling wife…is my Christmas bonus. And we're gonna go out, and I'm gonna treat you, to anything you want." Rose hummed her agreement, and opened the envelope. She staggered however, when she saw the figures.

"John, this is…..this is a lot."

"I know. They're giving me a promotion, which means a big raise." Rose laughed and hugged him close to her.

"I'm so proud of you." She squealed, and John rained kisses onto her face.

"I was thinking, we could buy a house. Get out of this apartment. I thought we could look around after shopping. What do you say?" Rose couldn't say anything, but nod, dumbstruck.

"Excellent! Well, I ran you a bath, so go upstairs and get ready. Half an hour in that bath, I know you'd stay in there all day if you could." Rose stuck her tongue at him, before practically skipping up the stairs. As she got to the bathroom, she stopped. She had wanted to play her role, but she had a feeling…..that she was getting to into it. Playing it so well, it was becoming natural for her. And as good as it felt, she could tell….it was wrong.

**There you are, let me know if you liked it! And happy Easter! xxx**


	4. Shopping

**Sorry it's taken me a while, but here you go. x.**

Rose held John's hand firmly as they walked through the crowed streets, gazing into each shop window. She was already laden down with multiple bags, and her arms were beginning to ache. But still, John insisted on buying one more gift, and she was allowed to have this one as soon as they bought it. So she wasn't one to complain.

"Here we are! Last shop, I promise." John grinned down at her as he pulled her into the shop. It was a very fancy jewellery store, a cream carpet on the floor, with dark wood panelled walls. He bustled Rose over to the cabinet of jewellery, and spoke hurriedly to the shop assistant. She nodded and went through the staff door.

"John, what on Earth are you doing?" Rose frowned, the laughter in her eyes betraying her facade.

"Well, Mrs. Smith, what do you think about this?" He said softly, and pointed to a set of jewellery. The piece in particular that he was speaking of, was a ring. It was a white gold band, with one of the biggest diamonds Rose had ever seen set in the middle. On either side of the stone, was a small ruby stud. Rose gaped at it, marvelling at the beauty of the stone.

"It's gorgeous." She breathed, to entranced to notice John's triumphant grin, The shop assistant came back, carrying with her a small black box. John quietly thanked her and opened the box.

"Well, it's yours." John presented the box to her, smiling sheepishly. Rose looked from the open box in his hands, to him.

"John, this is, this is....it's to much. Have you seen the price tag on that thing?"

"Of course I have. But like I said, big raise equals big money. Which means I can start affording to buy you nice things now." Rose took the box from him gently, handling it with great delicacy.

"I don't know what to say." Rose whispered, and John took the ring from the box.

"Say thank you and throw an I love you in there for good measure." He chuckled and slipped the ring onto her right hand. Rose took a moment to admire the ring, before throwing her arms around him, murmuring her love for him over and over again.

"Think of it as an early anniversary gift." John smiled and kissed her forehead. Rose stiffened.

"Anniversary?" She said carefully, and John laughed.

"Don't worry, you haven't forgotten. This is just an early gift. Think of it Rose, two weeks and one day from now, we'll have been married for a whole year." Rose hummed her agreement and mentally noted the date down. She'd have to remember that, she needed to buy him a gift....

"But come on! We have houses to look at." John beamed at her, holding his hand out for her to take. Rose glanced down at his hand, remembering all the times that the Doctor had done the same her head to clear it, she grinned back at John and grasped his hand.

"Let's go."

* * *

After dropping their bags at their flat, John, as energised as ever, practically dragged her to what he had deemed, 'the perfect house.' They got a cab to this mystical house, and John sat all the while, practically bouncing in his seat. When they finally got there, he once again pulled Rose by the hand, stopping in front of the door.

"Look Rose! It's perfect, absolutely perfect!" He grinned magnificently at her, and she turned her head slowly to look at it. The house was in an enclosed estate, not like the estates she once lived on…but everything was very prim and posh. There were about six houses in the square. A high wall ran around the square, with a huge black iron gate the only way in or out. The houses were all white, with vast amounts of emerald green lawn in front of them.

"John, it's very….upper class." Rose whispered, not wanting to disturb the atmosphere. John looked form her to the house and back.

"Maybe…but I'm looking at the practicality of it Rose! I mean, for one, look at the security in this place! No need to ever worry about break ins. And it's a perfectly safe place for our children to play-"

"Children?" Rose's head snapped up as she heard him say that word. John opened his mouth wordlessly for a moment before sighing.

"Yeah. Children. I mean, maybe not now…but, definitely someday. Soon, maybe. I'd like that. Love it in fact." She watched him babble nervously before silencing him with a kiss.

"Yeah. I'd love it to." She whispered…but John couldn't work out why she sounded so sad when she said it.

"You must be Mr and Mrs. Smith." A man in a suit opened the front door of the house they were standing in front of, addressing them.

"Yes, that's us!" John grinned happily, grasping Rose's hand.

The moment they got back in their flat, John was spouting ideas a mile a minute.

"That room at the top of the house Rose, that could be our room! I was thinking, with the light, a nice kind of mint green maybe? And the things I can do to that garden Rose, amazing oppurtunities." Rose sat opposite him on the couch, grinning and laughing along. His manic demeanour seemed to deflate in a split second however, as he grasped her hand.

"And Rose….I don't know what you think….but I thought that room, just opposite our room…that could be the nursery. I can see it Rose. A crib in the corner, with the toy box by the window sill. What do you think?" Rose gazed into his beautifully endless russet eyes, enchanted by the thought of it.

"I'd love that John. I would." He visibly relaxed and kissed her hands, unable to keep the smile off of his face. Rose laughed and leant forwards, kissing him softly. The kiss was soft and gentle at first, John almost tentative. Not daring to push her just yet. But as he relaxed into the kiss a bit more, his lips became more demanding. His hand snaked it's way up her thigh, grasping her bottom through her jeans. Rose whimpered, willing herself to stop, but enjoying the feeling of his lips upon hers to much. Once he became sure that she wasn't going to stop him, John carefully pressed Rose until she was lying down on the sofa beneath him. It was at that moment that Rose came to her senses.

"John…stop. Please…" She tried to free her mouth from his, only to find it being reclaimed again.

"Rose, it's fine. It's….just-"

"John." She said finally, and he quickly sat up, moving away from her on the sofa. Rose panted for breath before finally sitting up, and straightening her t shirt.

"John, I'm sorry." She reached out a hand to his arm, trying to tell him in any way she could that it was not his fault. He looked at the hand on his arm, the pain from her constant rejection finally showing through.

"Rose, you need to help me understand what's wrong. Because I don't have a clue." His voice shook, and Rose felt her eyes sting with tears.

"John, I want to. Believe me, I want to. So much, but I just…" John swivelled his body back around to face her, taking her hands once again.

"Is it….is there something….embarrassing? On your body I mean, that you don't want me to see? Because if that's what it is Rose, I don't care-"

"John, no. It's not that….definitely not that." She sighed. He deflated once more and searched her face for an answer. After a few moments of silence, John let go of her hands, sighing.

"Rose, sooner or later, you're gonna have to tell me what the problem is. I love you Rose, and I want to _make love_ to you. And it hurts me that you feel like you can't share with me what's wrong. I'm your husband, you should be able to talk to me…." Rose sat on the chair, uncomfortable with his gaze upon her. She needed him to shout or scream or do something. He literally was killing her with kindness. The guilt was killing her. John was obviously waiting for an answer, and when Rose couldn't supply one, he nodded and left the room. Leaving Rose to cry into the cushions. As she cried Rose couldn't help but think….he was a different person from the Doctor. A man with different hopes, different dreams, different feelings. But he was a person. All this time Rose had thought of him as no more than a substitute for the Doctor, that she had to live for a while. That had cleared to the fact that he was a substitute who knew no better, and she had to go along with it all as not to hurt his feelings…but now Rose realised that he was a human being. With his own life, own aspirations. And when the Doctor came back, then John would have to…die. He would die…And Rose wasn't sure that she could do that.

**There you are, hope you liked x**


	5. Apologies

**Okay, so this is the chapter that's adult....slightly nervous but here you go anyway lol. Hope you enjoy xx**

Rose stood from her seat on the couch, weary from her tears. She had made up her mind. This was John's life in her hands, and she had no choice but to terminate it when the time came. The heavy watch in her pocket was a constant reminder of that…But she could make his remaining time with her the best time that she could possibly make it.

"John…?" She tapped softly on the door to their bedroom, her voice hoarse from her weeping. He shifted in the bed, sitting up to look at her.

"What is it?" He said shortly, and Rose flinched at the harsh tone.

"I just….I wanted to talk to you." She slipped into the room, closing the door behind her. With the door closed all of the light had left the room, leaving her groping around the darkness slightly as she tried to find her bed. She felt the warm touch of John's hand upon her wrist, as he guided her to the bed.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" They sat opposite each other on the bed, and Rose fisted the duvet in her hands. She could see John waiting patiently, his expression inscrutable in the darkness.

"Well….I wanted to say sorry." Rose whispered slowly, and John sighed and took her hands.

"Rose, I know you're sorry. I just want to know what's going on in your head." He said softly, his concern etched deeply into his voice. Rose swallowed audibly, and felt her tears begin to resurface. John took pity on her, and guided her to sit in his lap. As she got comfortable, she buried her face in his shoulder and started to sob. Despite his reassurances, and soothing hand running up and down his back, she couldn't contain herself.

"I'm so sorry. I love you, I do…And I'm so sorry." The words forced themselves through her cries. John kissed her cheek, trying to console her.

"Rose, I love you…and I just want to know the problem. And as long as we can move past all this, it'll be fine. We have a good future together Rose. We're gonna buy that house, and have children…get a dog possibly, and everything will be perfect. I promise you." To his despair and utter confusion, she started crying harder. He clutched her tighter.

"Rose, I'm sorry. What did I say?" John said desperately, and Rose shook her head.

"Nothing John, it's fine. I'm just being stupid now-""No, Rose-" She silenced him with a firm kiss. Bringing her arms up around his neck, she threaded her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Rose, I don't want you to do this because you're upset-" Pulling away from her, John forced the words out.

"No, I want this. I'm doing this because I love you. So much. And I want to give you everything I can." She whispered and sealed her lips once more to this. After a few moments, they both relaxed into the kiss, moving their lips leisurely against one another's. Rose carefully leant her body against his, pushing him down into the mattress before settling on top of him. As they kissed, John's hands came up to grasp and massage her hips.

"I love you so much Rose." He whispered as her lips ventured down to kiss his neck. He shivered as he felt her smile against him.

"I love you to." Her voice still shook with her tears, but sounded happier. Her finger slowly grasped the hem of his t-shirt, and pulled it up. Sitting up quickly he helped her pull it off and throw it on the floor. They divested her of her top, and paused as they stared at one another. After a moment Rose pressed himself against him again, and he revelled in the feel of her skin on his. The touch that he had been missing for so long was all to much, the sensations in his body firing at once. Rose ran her hands up and down his chest, blocking out every little thought in her mind that screamed this was wrong. Because for John, it wasn't. It wasn't wrong.

She was broken out of her thoughts by the sudden feel of his arousal pressing against her. Wiggling experimentally, she smirked at his resounding groan. John's hands came up to unhook her bra quickly and she sat up, still straddling him. Rose slipped the straps quickly down her shoulders, removing it. Sitting up with her, John flicked on the lamp on the bed side table, taking in her bared chest.

"I love you." He whispered almost in awe, and Rose grinned back, her face flushing. She could not remember in what order the rest of their clothes were removed, but all she could concentrate on was the feeling of his clever fingers against her. She lazily opened her eyes, and eyed his arousal with a hunger in her eyes. John followed her gaze and blushed.

"Oh…John…" Rose smiled as she saw the flush of colour in his face, wanting him to feel anything but embarrassment at that moment. Pressing a hand against his chest, she laid him down upon the bed, and took him into her hand.

Rose stroked his cock, revelling in his encouragements. She slipped her lips around him, sucking as softly as she could.

"Rose, please." He urged, bucking up into her mouth. Looking up at him, she saw the desperation written across his face and took pity on him. Ignoring his cries of protest, she removed her mouth and straddled him. Rose leaned over him, and rewarded him a kiss. John returned it messily and desperately, and she felt a twinge of desire in her womb knowing that she was the one who made him feel like this.

She reached behind her, and grasped his cock, moving her hand lazily up and down it's length. He pushed into her hand, and gasped as she placed it just outside her entrance. Teasing herself, she held it there for a few moments, grinding herself upon it. After a few moments when she became just as desperate as John, she slowly sank down onto him. They both stilled with shock at the sensations. Rose groaned as she felt him twitch inside of her, and John echoed her as she clenched down on him.

Relieving them both, she began to move slowly on top of him. Rocking herself backwards and forwards slightly, trying to prolong the act. Soon it became apparent however, that John could not hold out any longer. He flipped them both over with a clever twist of his body, and settled on top of her.

"That was crafty." Rose smirked, and John silenced her with a kiss.

"I think I've got a few more tricks up my sleeves." He muttered into her neck. Rose's giggles turned into cries of pleasure as he started to move within her. She could tell he was trying to pace himself at first, but then gave into his primal urge and drove himself into her as hard as he could. The force of his thrusts moved her body up the bed a few centimetres each time. The sound of her cries and encouragements drove him on, going faster. Deep in the pit of her stomach, Rose felt her release building up. The sounds of his grunts and curses in her ear, and the steady creak of the bed frame made her womb clench almost painfully.

"Please John…" She begged as she teetered over the edge, needing something to take her over. John quickly reached a hand in between them, and Rose cried out as she felt his fingers fumble at her clit. With a hoarse shout, her release overtook every sensation in her body, and clouded her mind. Somewhere in reality, Rose felt John thrust into her a few more times before voicing his own climax into her neck. Slowly, he stopped moving and stilled. A few minutes later he lifted his head, still panting heavily. Rose lazily stroked his back and kissed him.

"I love you Rose." He breathed as they parted.

"Love you." She whispered back. He grinned at her before removing himself from her body, and lying down next to her. Sighing in content, Rose turned to her side, and threw a leg over his. He pulled her into his side and kissed her forehead.

"That was amazing Rose." John said into her hair. Rose grinned happily and reached up to peck his cheek.

"It was." Yawning, she pulled the covers over her and John. He leant over and flicked off the lamp, settling back into the bed.

"I think….from now on, everything's going to be perfect." Rose's heart throbbed painfully at his quiet declaration, but blocked it out.

"Yeah….yeah it is." She assured him, ignoring the quiet protest her brain whispered.

**Right....so hope you liked! x**


	6. The Truth

**I'm so sorry it's take me so long to update. GCSE's have been driving me crazy. So I made an extra long chapter to make it up to you all. Hope you like xxxx**

Rose held John's hand, swinging it between them, and they walked down the high street. It was Christmas Eve, and everything was perfect. The stars were out and it had been snowing. They had had a month of bliss…lazy sex on Sunday mornings…lunches in the park…and they were closer than ever. And all thoughts of the time when it had to end had vanished from Rose's mind. Only the occasional reminder breaking the serene life she had made. She hadn't let him buy the house. She told him that they would do it after the New Years, start a whole new life. And although he had been a little put out at first, he had warmed to the idea immensely.

"So, Rose…you gonna tell me what you got me for Christmas?" John bumped against her as they walked, and Rose sighed good naturedly at him.

"You are so impatient! You have like, what? Less than sixteen hours, most of which will be spent sleeping. You can wait."

"Rose!" He whined, and she laughed a no. Pouting, John went silent as they walked home, throwing an occasional affronted glance in her direction. As they walked, they came to see a little girl sitting alone on a bench. They glanced at each other, both frowning at the sight. The little girl was sitting alone on a bench, in the middle of the street, at night. Something didn't add up. Handing the bags to John, Rose knelt down in front of the young girl.

"Hello…are you alright? Where's your parents?" She said softly, looking intently at the girl. After a few moments, the girl took in a long breath through her nose….almost as if she was smelling the air or something.

"Are…are you o.k?" Rose persisted, frowning at the strange behaviour.

"Rose, what's going on?" John placed a hand on her shoulder, gazing worriedly at the girl. All of a sudden, her head snapped up and she sniffed again in John's direction. For a moment her eyes seemed to cloud over, becoming fathomless black pits. He recoiled from her, and pulled Rose back.

"I think we should try and find someone to help Rose. Something isn't right about this…" Rose nodded and stepped back, unsettled by the way the girl was watching them.

"O.k. We need to call the police or something. Could you go in my bag and get my mobile out." John nodded and quickly rifled through the bag, all the while keeping an eye on the two girls. Rose muttered a thanks when he handed her the phone.

"O.k, they said they'll be here in ten minutes tops. What's the time now?" She said over her shoulder from her position in front of the girl. John glanced at his wrist, mentally berating himself for not putting his watch on.

"Hang on." He sighed and went through Rose's bag, sure he had asked her to hold onto it until they could get the battery changed. His fingers touched cool metal, and he pulled it out triumphantly. John raised his eyebrows as he saw the intricately carved surface of a pocket watch.

"Didn't know you had one of these." John muttered to Rose as he tried to find the clasp.

"One of what?" Rose glanced over her shoulder, her eyes widening in panic as she saw him holding the watch.

"John, no!" She stood, falling over herself in her hurry. But it was to late. John flicked open the watch, a golden light starting to tumble from it. Rose reached him, snatched the watch from him and closed it. She clutched it to her chest, panic making her breath come in short gasps.

"John?" She said tentatively, praying she had been quick enough.

"Rose…what the hell was that? There was a light-"

"Oh, John." Cutting him off, Rose clutched him to her. That was so close….

"It's you." The young girl spoke from behind them both, her voice cold and malicious. Rose turned slowly from John, frowning at the child.

"What's what?" The girl slowly raised her hand, and pointed an accusing finger at John.

"You. You're the Time Lord." Rose's stomach dropped, and her world started to spin.

"Time Lord?" John furrowed his brow in confusion, and Rose gripped his hand.

"John…run. Don't ask me why, just run." Her voice came out strangled and hoarse.

"Rose?"

"Do it." She pleaded.

"I've found him!" The girl called over her shoulder, talking to someone who was evidently not far away.

"Now John, run!" Rose pulled his hand and they ran together, their bags left behind on the pavement.

* * *

She pulled him down into a bush, motioning for him to be silent. They watched as a young man joined the little girl. Their conversation was to hushed for them to hear. But the occasional word like Time Lord…or watch floated to them. After the brief conversation, the two hurried down the street. Passing right by Rose and John hiding in the bushes. As they walked out of sight, Rose breathed a sigh of relief. Running a hand over her face, she turned to glance at John, only to be met by an accusing glare.

"John, I'm-"

"What's going on, Rose? What was that light? And who were they?" Taking a deep shuddering breath, Rose took both of his hands in his.

"I need to tell you something. And I don't want you to talk, I want you to just listen to me." Her voice broke as she murmured her words, and John reluctantly gave a brief nod.

"That journal you wrote…describing all of your dreams, you remember that right?" Rose waited for him to nod once more.

"In your dreams….you were a man called the Doctor. You were a Time Lord."

"That's what that girl said-"

"I know. Because that's what you are John. You're not a human, you're not John Smith…you're the Doctor." She whispered, the tears now freely flowing down her face. John studied her face intently, unsure of what to say.

"If this is some kind of a joke, Rose…"

"It's not, you have to believe me. This is not you. You're the Doctor. And we travel together in the TARDIS, best friends-"

"Rose, that isn't funny. I confided in you about these dreams, and I trusted you-"

"No." She sobbed, begging him to believe her. John stared at her for a moment before pulling her close.

"I don't understand, Rose." She pulled away from him, scrubbing her face with her hands.

"You…the Doctor…him and me, we're hiding from those people. The family. They need you to survive, they only live a little while. Like mayflies you said. You told me that we had to hide for three months, and that's what we're doing. Hiding from them." John pulled away from her, trying to work out if it was only a joke.

"Tell me this then…if I am the Doctor…and I am hiding, how come I don't remember it? Only dream of it?" Rose groaned softly.

"This is where it gets complicated…you….the Doctor, he rewrote his biology. Placed his Time Lord consciousness into the watch, and left his body human. The family wanted to follow your Time lord scent, so we had to change that into a human scent. So they couldn't follow us. And when they're life was over, I open the watch, and the Doctor comes back." Silence followed after for a few moments, an array of emotions playing over his face.

"So….what you're trying to tell me…is that the…Doctor…is in that watch. And I was here to pass the time until you opened the watch?" Rose looked at him for a moment, shocked.

"No…you were…you _are_ more than that!" She insisted.

"I'm sorry Rose, but I still can't believe you. It's impossible…"

"Tell me about when you met me. For the first time ever, what happened." John frowned at her quizzically for a moment.

"We met on a street corner at two in the morning. We were both trying to find a cab, and-"

"No, tell me about what you felt. What you were thinking?" Rose watched solemnly as he fought a battle in his mind to bring back the feelings.

"I…I can't recall, that was years ago-"

"What was your first thought when you saw me walking down the aisle to marry you?" A few more moments went by.

"I can't remember." His voice wavered as his hand clutched at his hair in frustration.

"That's because you had a back story created. A story full of facts. Not feelings or thoughts. No memories of the way it felt when you first kissed me, no childhood secrets. Just facts."

"No…no. But we're married, and I love you, and you love me. And we were going to have children, and…and a dog…and.." John's eyes flooded with tears, and Rose winced as a few of them slid down his face.

"I'm sorry." She whispered as she limply tried to wipe her tears away.

"But I have a life! I feel love, I feel happiness, everything. You cannot tell me that I'm not real." The weak argument escaped him.

Rose pursed her lips and sighed.

"Come with me."

* * *

Rose led him around to a dark alleyway, glancing this way and that for any sign of the family.

"In here." She pulled him around the corner, slowing as a blue box loomed in front of them.

"Recognise it?" Rose whispered as John's grip on her hand went slack.

"It's…the spaceship. From my dreams?" He turned back to Rose for confirmation, his eyes wide. When she nodded he walked quickly to it, his hand outstretched.

"It's real…the TARDIS…You're telling the truth." He whispered as he leant against the sapphire box. Hugging herself , Rose nodded as she walked forwards.

"Yeah." After a few more minutes of barely suppressed surprise, John suddenly exhaled quickly.

"This means…you…you never loved me. You're my keeper, you were just there to…you're my executioner." The heartbreak strewn across his face was more than Rose could bear.

"No…no! I love you John, I do."

"That's…that's why you didn't like me kissing you….or…or anything else." His voice was strained under the effort of keeping the tears back.

"No, John. I love you, please, you have to believe me." Rose pleaded, her hands fumbling to find his, flinching as he tugged them away.

"No…no, you love…you love the Doctor."

"You're the same man." Rose insisted quietly, more to herself than to him.

"No…that's a lie. And you know it. I was just a pawn in this whole game!" His raised voice made her flinch.

"John-"

"No, I'm talking now…So what does this mean for me then? You open the watch and I die. Then you and the Doctor go on your merry way and that's that?" The tears were falling fast between the both of them now.

"No, John, I could never do that-"

"But that was your plan! You and the Doctor…and I love you. That counts for nothing in your mind though." Rose was silent, praying for him to believe her when she said that she really did love him.

"That may have been the plan. But I fell in love with you. I adore you so much. I really do want to be with you. And yes, I do believe that you and the Doctor are the same man. If I didn't think that, then there is no way I could've gone through with this." John let out a quiet sob, and slid down the box, clutching at his hair.

"I'm so confused Rose. I'm not who I thought I was. You're not who I thought you were-"

"No. No matter what happens, I am the same person as you. And I love you." She hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath.

"And I love the Doctor. You are the same person." She asserted, and John pulled her to him for a messy kiss. They pulled apart, both gasping for air.

"But does he love you? The Doctor. Does he love you the way I do?" Rose's breath caught in her throat as she seriously considered her answer…And she could only come up with one deduction.

"I don't know." John placed a palm against her face, and Rose leaned into it, yearning for the contact.

"Rose, I-"

"Stand up!" A gruff voice ordered them, and they both slowly turned their heads to see a barrel of a gun pointed in each of their faces.

**Hope you liked it guys....and I'm not going to say anything to specific, because I don't want to spoil anything for anyone. But have you heard about what Steven Moffat is planning to do with the show!? He seriously is not in my good books right now. And some of the things I've heard are literally kind of insulting to Russell Davies, but you know, that's my opinion. And nobody knows what I'm talking about probably lol. I just needed to vent. But anyways, tell me what you thought. xxx**


	7. Change

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* * *

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I'm quite proud I've got this up so quickly lol. Enjoy x

Forgetting their tears for a moment, John and Rose stood in unison. Each one stared down the barrel of the guns, hearts pounding.

"You're the Time Lord." A man roughly in his forties with greying hair smiled slowly. A woman a tad younger than him laughed delightedly, the harsh sound making Rose flinch.

"I can't smell it." The man interrupted the woman's cackling, and she stopped short. Taking a quick sniff, she lowered her gun slightly.

"You said that this was him." She snapped to the little girl that had appeared beside them. The girl glared at the two.

"It is. In the watch, he's hiding." She pointed to the watch tightly clutched in Rose's hand. The woman laughed softly, and shifted her gun until it was in front of John's face.

"Oh…clever one isn't he. Give us the Time Lord and we'll leave you alone." She slowly circled them, and Rose squeezed her eyes shut, trying to calm her raging heart.

"What?" John's soft but yet panic filled voice broke through her barriers.

"Give us the Time Lord." The man growled to him.

"I….I don't know how…I can't-" Rose could've cried as she heard his shocked stuttering. The woman clicked the safety from her gun.

"Do it!" John looked helplessly from her to the watch in Rose's hand.

"I don't…" He whispered, tears breaking his voice.

"Leave him alone!" Rose shouted, unable to stand him being in any danger.

"Who's this then?" The woman rounded on her, smiling softly. Her voice was quiet and deadly now.

"Leave her." A strange ferocity filled John's voice. The woman looked between the two of them, noting his fierce protectiveness, and Rose's small frame.

"Perhaps he'll crack if the girl's under threat." She muttered, then flung her arm around Rose's neck.

"Rose!" John reached for her, only to be held back by the man.

"Give us the Time Lord and we'll let her go." He said into his ear, and John recoiled. Rose struggled.

"John, no, whatever you do, don't-"

"Give it here!" The woman cried.

"I can't!"

"Now!"

"What's going on here?" A commanding voice broke through the shouting, and Rose was released immediately. She rubbed her neck and turned to see a police ca with two policemen stepping out of them.

"Nothing officer, just old friends catching up." The woman simpered, and Rose noted the lack of guns in their hands.

"Are you sure…miss?" One of the officers looked in concern from the tear stains on Rose's face, and the obvious distress on John's.

"I'm fine." Rose whispered, her voice hoarse. The officer frowned and motioned for her and John to step forwards.

"…If you would like to step this way you two, I have some questions to ask you." Rose looked to John and he grasped her hand.

"Run." He whispered. And they did.

* * *

They ran all the way back to their flat, slamming the door shut and locking the door. John leaned against the door, panting heavily with his hand fisted in his hair. Rose slumped onto the sofa, hands on her face. After a few minutes of them composing themselves, Rose felt the couch dip as John sat next to her.

"What do we do?" He whispered, his voice shaking. Rose ran a hand over her face and tutted as her tears began once more. She looked meaningfully at John, and his eyes opened with the realisation.

"You….you have to open the watch don't you? The Doctor has to fix this." His despairing whisper splintered Rose's heart. And she could only nod. A few more minutes ticked away on the clock.

"I don't want to die." John said into the quiet room, his voice suddenly calm. Rose glanced sideways at him before lowering her gaze to the floor.

"I don't want you to go." Rose sobbed, and John placed an arm around her.

"Look at that. You're comforting me. It should be the other way around." Rose half laughed, and John smiled half heartedly.

"I could never stand to see you cry." He murmured to himself, and Rose flung her arms around his neck.

"Isn't….isn't there any way that we can make this go away? We can run, you and me Rose. We can go somewhere nice and hot, like….like Spain. Start a new life." John wished, even though he knew that could never happen.

"I'd like that John. And you have no idea how much. But the universe needs him."

"Do you need him?" He said quietly, and Rose raised her red rimmed eyes to his.

"Yes. And you and him are the same. If I need him then I need you-"

"Please….please. Just stop tying to soften the blow." He waved her away, and Rose sighed.

"We could've had a great life together John. And I'll never forget that. I'll remember everything." Rose said as sincerely as her wavering voice could manage, and John scoffed.

"I mean it John. I love you. I do." She persisted, and his wide eyes turned upon her, almost not daring to believe it.

"You mean that?" He said, and Rose tood from the sofa, walking over to the fully decorated Christmas tree in the corner.

"Rose?" She bent down and picked up one of the many brightly coloured packages. Sniffing quietly to herself, Rose sat back down and handed him the package. John looked up in confusion.

"Go on, you have my permission to be impatient now." Rose laughed a little to hysterically, and Jon opened the package gingerly. As the material fell open, he gasped softly at the present. It was a photo frame, filled with a collage of pictures. All of them were of him and her. Some were taken in the middle of the street, some were just of them lazing about the house. But the striking thing about the photos, were that they all seemed to radiate with happiness. Their laughter and their love seemed to shine from the wooden frame.

"Rose…"

"I did actually buy you some stuff, I just wanted to do something personal." John didn't utter a single word, he just pulled her forwards to place a soft kiss on her lips.

"Well, does a dying man get one last wish?" He murmured sadly, and Rose bit her lip and nodded.

"I want to have Christmas with you Rose Tyler. Just for an hour or two. Can we just pretend?" John's eyes glistened with the tears he refused to shed, and Rose smiled shakily.

"Yeah….yeah. I'm good at pretending."

* * *

John and Rose sat giggling amidst the tons of wrapping paper that had been ferociously ripped off of their presents. John had a new scarf wrapped around his neck, as well as a new set of glasses adorning his face. A few DVD's were scattered around him, and a new watch was wrapped around his wrist. Rose laughed loudly at some joke or another as she ate from a huge box of heart shaped chocolates. A new ring sat upon her wrist, as well as a matching necklace, bracelet and earrings. Books and trinkets covered her side of the floor.

"Oh, John. You're such an idiot." Rose sighed good naturedly, and John huffed.

"yeah, thanks."

"Shut up…..but you're my idiot." She grinned and leant over the presents to kiss him. As they both started to relax into the kiss, a voice from outside startled them.

"Doctor! We know you're here." They gasped and pulled away from each other, looking towards the window at the voice rolling in.

"Doctor!" It called again, and a sound like a whip cracking sounded.

"They've got guns." John muttered. Rose bit her thumbnail anxiously, full of fear at what was about to happen. John sat back and swallowed.

"Well…I suppose this it." He said quietly, and Rose whimpered.

"John…"

"I love you. Remember that. I will always love you Rose Tyler. And even if the…Doctor….doesn't say it…he does to." John planted a firm kiss on her lips, and Rose pulled him tighter as he pulled back.

"I love you to John. You remember that." The quiet heartbreak sounded throughout the small living room, and he offered her a smile.

"Come on then…show me this watch." He held his hand out, and Rose reluctantly handed it over. But they both gasped as and electric shock seemed to flow from their fingertips to their minds. The could see. See their future. See themselves moving into their new house, laughing as they start to throw paint at each other. See themselves making love amongst the boxes…see Rose screaming as John holds her hand, urging her to just push….see their little girl…see her growing up…more children…another girl, and twins boys…see them growing older and moving out. Then they see themselves growing older. Happy and content in their life. Then they see their death. Both lying entwined together on their bed, whispering goodnight with a kiss, never to wake again. Both passing away in the middle of the night. Rose gasped and her hands flew to her mouth as she let go.

"Did you see?" John whispered, his eyes now filled with tears.

"Yeah." She nodded, and John leant his forehead against hers.

"Oh…Rose…Give me the watch now or I'll never do it." Rose quickly gave him the watch, and looked on quietly as he ran his fingers over the surface.

"I love you." She whispered again, and John gripped her hand. He quickly leaned over for one last kiss.

"Goodbye Rose Tyler."

"Bye bye." She whispered back with a small sad smile.

"And you kick that Doctor if kissing you isn't the first thing he does." John wiped her tears away with his thumb, and kissed her cheek. Rose laughed and nodded.

"Right then…..I love you."

"Love you to." She whispered once more, and gripped his had as he flicked open the watch. Her heart broke into a thousand pieces as the golden light overtook him.

**Hope you liked. Tell me what you thought! xxx**


	8. Alone

**Sorry for the wait. The site wouldn't let me post anything, it's been really buggy lately...Anywho, hope you like xx**

* * *

Rose sat as still as a statue, the only movement were the tears rolling down her cheeks. John....the Doctor..._he _was sitting beside her, still gazing at the watch. Swallowing audibly, Rose tried and failed to say something, a hoarse croak sounded from her throat. He jumped and turned to her, his chocolate eyes widening.

And somehow Rose knew. She knew John was gone. She had never noticed it before, but there were tiny differences in their mannerisms and posture...and she knew both men so well that she could tell them apart.

"Rose." The Doctor breathed her name like a blessing, and a slow grin spread over his face. A harsh sob escaped her lips as he spoke, and she stood from the sofa to start pacing the room. Her hands clutched at her hair, different emotions flashing across her face. Sadness at the love she had lost, anger at the unfairness of it all. Complete and utter heartbreak at the life she could've had.  
"I'm sorry." She whispered as she caught the Doctor's sombre expression.

"No, you have no reason to be sorry." He stood from his seat and crossed over to the window.

"They're out there....Rose, you stay here, I don't want anything to happen to you." He murmured. Rose nodded, trying to quell the bubbling sorrow inside of her.

"Doctor-"

"We can't talk now, I have to do this first." She but her lip, not trusting herself to speak without bursting into tears anyway. She noticed the Doctor hesitate at the doorway and gave him a shaky smile, which he returned with a slightly strained grin.

"Oh, I have missed you Rose Tyler." She laughed a little, trying not to remember the way John used to wrap his tongue around the words. He quickly crossed over to her, scooping her up into a hug. Clutching onto him, Rose buried her face into his neck.

"I'll be back soon, yeah?" The Doctor waited until she gave him a nod before letting go. Taking one last look at her, he tossed a quick grin to her, and Rose smiled back softly. With that, he left the room, leaving Rose alone in the empty apartment.

* * *

Being alone in the flat hurt Rose more than she would ever care to admit. With John there was always some sort of noise happening. Whether it be the TV blaring in the front room, or the kettle whistling in the kitchen, it was always....something. Something to let her know she wasn't alone. That he was there. And now it was all gone, she had never felt more alone.

In some ways, it helped her relate to her own Mother. Whenever she had gone home, the TV would always be on, or the radio had been sounding in another room. Rose had chastised Jackie, telling her that she was going to run up the electricity bill, it was just a waste if she wasn't watching or listening to it. And she would always reply, I like the noise.

Now Rose knew. It was comforting. To create the illusion that you weren't really alone. She stifled back a sob and stood from the sofa, wringing her hands as she went. The remainders of their make believe Christmas were scattered about the front room, reminding her that John was here. He had been here, laughing, less than twenty minutes ago. It was so hard to believe.

The flat contained nothing but the ghosts of what was. It was empty, but so constricting. She could hardly move without seeing the flash of his smile or the chocolate brown of his eyes....

"Oh God." Rose murmured to herself, her tear strangled voice barely making it above a whisper. She shook her head, trying to clear it. This was the deal. She knew it had been all along. A few months and then she could open the watch, and the Doctor would come back and sort this entire mess out....the Doctor.

Fiercely wiping her hands across her face, Rose brought her knees up to her chest. She loved the Doctor, of course she loved the Doctor. But this had given her a taste of what her life could be like. And it was unfair! So unfair that he could show her what it was like, and then pull her away from it. Not that she didn't love her life, because she did. The running, and the travelling, and doing something that made a difference...But a part of her....the human part of her...wanted the security and love and...familiarity.

She had always managed to ignore that side of her, and till now she had barely even known it existed. Letting the sobs overtake her, Rose reached for the scarf that had been wrapped around John's neck. She nuzzled it as she curled into a ball, relishing the smell of him. The smell that was somehow different to the Doctor's. Her mind as filled with the memories of her and John together as she drifted off into sleep.

* * *

The sound of the front door closing woke her, and Rose groggily wiped her hands over her eyes.

"Look at you. You'll get a crick in your neck like that." A warm voice chuckled at her, no doubt laughing at her body wrapped around the long scarf.

"John?" She said through a yawn. The Doctor froze as he sat beside her.

"Rose...it's...it's me." He said quietly, and Rose's heart dropped. The memories of what had occured clouded her mind.

"Oh God." She whimpered as she remembered, the tears brimming in her eyes once again. The Doctor's own worry filled gaze met hers, and he drew her closer to him, letting her weep into the material of his suit.

* * *

When the worst of the tears had subsided, the Doctor decided that it was time to talk.

"You o.k?" He murmured into her hair, unsure of how to approach the situation. Rose snuffled into his suit jacket and cleared her throat.

""No." She whispered back, not even bothering to lie. The Doctor swallowed heavily.

"Tell me." Rose's red rimmed eyes looked up at him, still glassy with tears.

"He's dead....John." The Doctor breathed out slowly, wondering where to begin.

"He...everything that he was Rose, is inside of me. I am him, and he is me...in some confusing mixed up way. But it's true." He pulled Rose tighter to him, and frowned when she pushed him away.

"No, you're not him, and he's not you."

"I...what are you on about?" Rose turned her tear clouded eyes upon him, and the Doctor flinched.

"You would never do the things he did. You would never....could never, give me the things he wanted to."

"Like what?"

"Marraige....children...a dog." She finished with a small sad laugh. The Doctor's hearts started to beat faster.

"And...and you want that?" He whispered, dreading her answer. A few minutes went by in silence.

"I...yes." Rose stammered, the Doctor's mouth opened and closed a few times.

"Oh." Was all he could manage.

"No.....no, I...I don't know Doctor! I thought I could never want that. You know, that it wasn't for me, but then I tried it. And.....and I experienced it, and he loved me, he really did...." She dissolved into tears, and the Doctor clutched her tighter, rocking her backwards and forwards.

"Do you...do you want to leave?" He whispered, trying to fight back his own impending sadness.

"No. No, I could never leave you. As much as I loved him, Doctor....you and him...I just can't leave you. Ever. I promised you forever and that's what you're going to get."

"Rose, I don't want you to stay with me because you feel obliged-"

"Don't be ridiculous." She snapped. Silence followed for a few more minutes, and the Doctor fiddled with the wedding ring on her left hand.

"I'm sorry Rose. I just feel like this is my fault. I shouldn't of asked this of you."

"No, Doctor. It's no one's fault. It's just been a big set of horrid circumstances. It's probably my fault if anything. I shouldn't have let myself fall-"

"You can't help who you fall for Rose." The Doctor insisted with a lingering look. Rose's brow twitched into a frown as she ran a hand through the Doctor's hair, and he smiled at the contact.

"It's just sometimes....I feel like I've cheated you out of having a human life. Having marriage and children, a job and a...a family." He gestured to the flat that still contained the remnants of her old life. Rose sighed and grasped his hand.

"Doctor, how many times have you sent me away from you? And how many times have I come back?" She said to him, and the Doctor swallowed.

"I have had plenty of opportunities to leave you. But I haven't, and you know why?"

"Well, I-"

"Because I don't wanna." Rose placed a finger to his lips, trying to convince him that she had not been cheated out of anything. His worried eyes searched her, and she cast him a meaningful look. Soon enough, the Doctor bowed his head and drew her into a hug.

"Are you going to be o.k?" He said into her shoulder. Rose sighed and wrestled back a wave of grief.

"Yes...I just....I need to mourn him for a bit. No matter what you or I think, he was his own person. And I loved him. And he loved me, and I need some time to get over that." The Doctor wiped her eyes and gave a small understanding nod.

"I know. And you were right, by the way. You were right to give him the whole human experience." He tread carefully, unwilling to delve into that territory...but yet knowing that it needed saying. Rose stilled in his arms.

"Doctor....do you, do you remember what happened?" She avoided his gaze desperately.

"While I was...human?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

"Oh." Rose whispered, mortified. The Doctor fought back a small smile.

"It's fine, Rose. You were his wife after all." Rose fought between her sudden embarrassment, and underlying sorrow, trying to figure out her own feelings.

"So....you like, remember _everything_?" The Doctor turned her head to look at him.

"Rose....I think that we should talk when you're head's clear. It's no use talking when in mourning. You're emotions are everywhere right now, it's not practical." Rose concurred and gave a small sniff, confused at what to feel.

"Doctor...I just...I wanna go to bed. I need to sleep properly." The Doctor nodded and stood, offering her a hand. Rose smiled as she took it.

"Let's just go home, yeah?"

"Yeah." He led her out of the flat, keeping an arm wrapped securely around her waist. As they approached the front door, Rose paused.

"What...what are we going to do with this place? All of his stuff, I can't just leave it here." She whispered. The Doctor swallowed hard, almost surprised at how much this was hurting her. And it hurt him to know that this was his fault. He didn't think.

"We'll get it tomorrow. Store it in the TARDIS. I'm sorry, Rose." She sighed as she turned to look at him.

"This was the deal. A few months and then I open the watch. I just didn't think it would be so hard."

"I know...I...I think we need to have a talk. About us. We need to talk about this whole thing...I don't want us too be awkward, and I-"

"Doctor, please. Can we talk in the morning? I just feel so....drained." The Doctor nodded and placed his arm around her again.

"In the morning." He agreed, and switched off the lights, casting darkness into the empty home.

**Just another chapter and perhaps an epilogue, then it's all finished. Hope you enjoyed! xx**


	9. Talking

**This is a tad short, but you're gonna have an extra long epilogue to make up for it. Scout's honour lol. xxx**

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Rose blinked groggily as she woke, stretching her arms. She smiled to herself and turned, seeking the warmth of John's body beside her. When she encountered only bedsheets, the cold settled deep within her stomach. Biting her lip, she squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to banish the previous day from her mind.

She turned on her back, breathing as deeply as she could. Trying to hold back the tears. The ring that once felt like a feather upon her finger suddenly felt like a rock. Crushing her with the memories of his smile. Rose swallowed and sat up in bed, flipping the hair from her eyes. She fiddled with it nervously, knowing he wasn't coming back. And the only thing she could try to do was move forwards. Yet...eyeing the ring, Rose couldn't imagine ever taking it off.

"Rose?" The Doctor's soft voice sounded at her door.

"Come in." She croaked, and after a pause, the door slowly opened. The sight of the man who looked identical to the one she had lost caused a fresh surge of pain, and she looked away. The Doctor watched her bow her head, hiding from his gaze, feeling an unbearable amount of guilt fall upon him.

"Do you want to talk?" He questioned gently, afraid of upsetting her in her fragile state.

"What is there to talk about? He's gone. I...I have to move on. Simple." But from the look of her red eyes and rasping voice, the Doctor could tell that it wasn't simple. He dithered for a minute, unsure of what to do.

"What about the mourning? I know that you can't possibly be done with that."

"Be done with that? Yeah, your compassion is greatly appreciated Doctor." Rose sniffed as she threw a glare his way.

"Rose, no. I..." The Doctor trailed off as he crossed the room to sit on the bed beside her. Words failed him as he saw her shoulders begin to shake.

"I want to mourn him Doctor. I want to." She sobbed, and the Doctor swallowed before drawing her into a hug.

"Then you can't rush it, Rose. Not something like this." He whispered into her sweet smelling hair.

"But it hurts. I just had to let him die. I couldn't do anything." Rose felt the arms around her tighten for a moment.

"You really loved him...didn't you?" Rose sniffled, and somehow the Doctor didn't mind the wet patch that was slowly forming on his shirt.

"Yeah. I did. I mean, how could I not? I had a man who loved me, and did everything he could to please me. He was smart, and strong, unbearably cute. Let's not mention how gorgeous he was." She threw a small smile to him. The Doctor shook his head at her, a slight smile playing about his mouth.

"But....I didn't love him because of that. I loved him because he was....he was John. He was himself, he was his own person."

"I know. I can see it. In the memories. You were in love, and he knew it too. It's all up here." The Doctor tapped his temple, and Rose's eyes looked downwards.

"Doctor....last night you said that you could remember. Everything, I mean. Like...do you remember when we-"

"Yes, Rose. I remember it all." Her face was a mixture of horror and embarrassment, flushing a terribly bright shade of red.

"Oh my God." She murmured, and the Doctor caught her hands in his.

"Maybe it's not the best time to discuss this, Rose?" She licked her lips and nodded.

"I just can't believe you remember-"

"Rose."

"Sorry. Sorry...we'll talk about this later. I shouldn't be focusing on that now." Shaking her head as if to clear it, she rested her head against the Doctor's shoulder.

"You gonna miss him?" The question resounded in the air for a while.

"Yeah. I think I always will."

"You could've always just....stayed with him. Left me in the watch, It was comfy in there, not as cramped as you'd think." Rose pulled back frowning, studying the Doctor's humorless smile.

"Could you...I mean...turn back into him. Do you have the ability to do it?" The Doctor's brow twitched as he hesitated.

"Yes....do you want me to?" He said slowly, almost dreading the answer. He gazed into her eyes, watching her thoughts twist and turn behind the chocolate irises.

"No." She said finally, and a breath of complete relief left him. And the Doctor hated to do it, but he had to question it.

"But I thought you loved him?" Rose regarded him with a strange look.

"But how could I ever just leave you behind. You know that. I love you more than I could ever love anyone else, Doctor." His eyes widened as the words ran through his head, and Rose's own eyes widened in horror.

"I didn't mean it like that." She blurted out, and the Doctor's eyes flashed with hurt, before a blank look settled in.

"It's o.k. I know. You're my best friend. Right?" Rose frowned and opened her mouth as if to say something further. But then she just shook her head and smiled softly.

"Yeah." She reached over and took his hand, stroking her thumb along his skin.

"Yeah." He echoed.

"I'm sorry, I've been thinking about myself all this time-"

"It's understandable Rose. To be expect-"

"Yes. But what about you? I know you must have an opinion on it. It's helping no one if you're silent through this whole thing." She kept a steady gaze with him, urging him to speak.

"Well....I....didn't expect. I didn't think you would be so...involved with him. I wouldn't have asked this if you otherwise. If I had known that you were going to get hurt, then I never would've done this. I would have found some other way." Rose took it in and nodded slowly.

"I know...but you really thought that I wouldn't have an emotional attachment to him?" The Doctor looked down sheepishly.

"Honestly? Of all the things that I was thinking...it wasn't that." Rose smiled and shook her head.

"Well, you wouldn't."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He raised an eyebrow, and Rose giggled.

"Nothing. It's fine." Her laughter subsided and the Doctor sighed.

"It's good to see you smile. I haven't seen you smile for _me_ in nearly three months."

"Yeah, well....I can still smile. I think that he would've wanted that." The Doctor stared back at her.

"I know that's what he would've wanted." They looked at each other for a moment before pulling eachother into an embrace.

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**Hope you liked. More soon. xxx**


	10. Forever

**Last bit to this this story, hope you all like.**

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The door creaked as light filtered into the empty flat, and two shadows were cast over the cream carpet.

"Are you sure you're ready to do this, Rose?" The Doctor whispered to her. Something about the eerie silence of the flat lowered his voice, almost involuntarily. Rose swallowed hard, and gripped his hand tighter, her knuckles turning white.

"Yes. I have to." She said determinedly. The Doctor turned to look at her.

"You sure?"

"Yep."

"Sure sure?" Rose giggled softly.

"Yes."

"Right then….let's get to it." He hovered at the doorway, waiting for Rose to take the first step into the flat. After a moment or so, she gently stepped into the room, trying to ignore the pictures of them on the walls. The wrapping paper still littered the floor from their make believe Christmas. They had two bags between them (courtesy of the TARDIS) that happened to be bigger on the inside. Which made the process a whole lot easier, saving them both from running back and forth with boxes and boxes of stuff.

"Where should we start?" The Doctor said, his hands hovering over a stray tie on the couch. Rose turned, brushing a few stray hands of hair from her face.

"In here. That's probably the best way to….start this." She gestured meekly. He nodded and quietly picked up a few bits and bobs, unsure of what Rose was gonna keep and what she was gonna throw away.

"Um…Doctor, I wanna keep some of this stuff. Like…in my room. You know, as reminders. I don't….I don't wanna forget this." The Doctor nodded in understanding, offering her a bag.

"Of course." Sighing, Rose took it, and proceeded to collect the remnants of her old life. A silence settled like a blanket over the room, heavy and rather stifling.

"You o.k?" The Doctor said quietly as he saw Rose pause to look at a photo. She jumped and dropped the frame into the bag, nodding furiously. A few minutes passed in complete silence.

"It's just….it's hard to believe that I ever lived here, you know? That something so normal was involved in my life." The Doctor smiled as Rose laughed softly.

"You liked it then?" He probed, and she paused for a second and bit her lip.

"….Yeah. But, you know, this life that we have….I couldn't give it up. You know, asides from the running, death threats, prison cells, guards, warriors, assassins, slime, gunk-"

"Alright, yes." The Doctor cut across with a frown. Laughter filled the flat as Rose looked at his affronted expression. Setting the bag down, she walked over to him and gripped his hand.

"I love it." The frown on his face smoothed out.

"Good." He nodded with a smile gracing his face.

"Come on….still got a lot to clear out." Rose whispered after a few moments, and left to pick up her bag once more.

* * *

**Five Weeks Later**

"Rose?" The Doctor paused at the doorway to her bedroom. The door was wide open but she was nowhere to be seen.

"Rose?" He raised his voice a tad as he swept the room with his eyes, unwilling to go in when she wasn't there….But the door _had _been open….it was practically an invitation. It would be rude to turn it down.

"Rose, where are you?" He said to himself as he settled onto the bed. Looking around, he noted with a sigh that the bag from the flat was in the corner, yet to be unpacked. She always had a tendency to put things off until the last minute. Deciding that he may as well help her while he waited, the Doctor heaved the bag onto the bed. It was heavier than expected, and he nearly dropped it. Which would have been a terribly embarrassing thing to happen if it turned out that Rose was watching him from somewhere.

"….Rose?" He called over his shoulder, just to be sure. After a few moments silence, he nodded and went back to work. He tipped the contents of the bag onto the bed, and saw an assortment of odds and ends, bits and bobs, and generally worthless stuff. A large grin settled upon the Doctor's face. That was so like her, unable to throw away anything that had the slightest memory or meaning to it.

Sifting through the things, he dropped some into a drawer here, a little box there…until he came across something rather interesting. A bright red piece of silk was protruding form underneath an old bill. Swiftly slipping his glasses on, the Doctor pulled it out softly, eyes widening as he saw the whole garment.

"What the hell are you doing with my underwear?" Almost faster than Rose could blink, the Doctor stuffed the slip of silk into his pocket. Half of it sticking almost comically out.

"What?" The Doctor automatically responded, eyes alarmingly wide. Rose's mouth worked wordlessly as she looked at him."What were you doing with my underwear?" She said slowly. The Doctor stood frozen in the same position for a minute.

"What?" He said again. Rose frowned at him, and reached over to pull out said underwear from his pocket.

"You were holding these." She waved them in front of his face, watching him blush to the same red as the silk.

"I wasn't." The response came before she could finish.

"What? I….I saw you! And then you panicked and tried to hide them in your pocket. In your pocket of all places!"

"I…I was just trying to unpack for you, then I saw those, and I was curious that's all. It was completely innocent, Rose I promise-" She cut him off with a wave of her hand.

"For some strange reason, that makes sense when I remember that it's _you_ we're talking about here."

"I'm sorry." With a sigh and a smirk, Rose shook her head.

"It's fine. I've been putting unpacking off since we got back….and what's so interesting about my knickers anyway?" Rose laughed as she proceeded to pack away the odds and ends. Shrugging, the Doctor glanced at them.

"There's just…not much of it to be honest. I was intrigued at their purpose." A snort answered him.

"Their purpose? Doctor, if you remember everything from being him, then you will certainly remember seeing a lot of underwear like that."

"Well….I…..yes." He muttered quickly, and Rose chuckled.

"You haven't mentioned anything about the sex, Doctor. Don't you think we should talk about it?" She called over her shoulder, unaware of the maroon colour the Doctor had flushed.

"I thought there was no need to-"

"Well….I have seen you naked. I thought you know, you wanted to get my opinion." Rose sniggered, aware of the torture she was putting him through.

"I….what opinion!?" The unnaturally high voice croaked.

"Yeah….you know, I thought that we could swap ratings and that-"

"Ratings?"

"Yeah, you know. On our…performances." She waggled her fingers in an air quote fashion, and the Doctor's eyes seemed in danger of popping. After a few seconds, she shook her head.

"I was joking, you know." He deflated a great deal, the colour vanishing from his face.

"Of course." The Doctor nodded, frozen to his seat. Sighing, Rose settled back onto the bed beside him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"It was good though…the sex, I mean."

"Are we not done with this?"

"Yes, sorry." A silence followed, until laughter bubbled up inside of them both, and spilled out in droves.

"Oh, God." Rose said through the laughter, shoving him away. As she got up, the Doctor grasped her hand and heaved her back onto the bed. He lay back and Rose followed after him. Staring at the ceiling, small giggles escaped them both.

"We're a right pair." Rose sighed, and the Doctor found her hand across the bedspread.

"Yeah….it's good though isn't it?"

"Of course."

"Of course." He echoed.

"Do you still miss him?" The name didn't need to be said, she knew who he was talking about.

"You know I do."

"Right." He nodded, his grip on her hand loosening. Rose nudged him with her shoulder.

"But it's alright, Doctor. I miss him….but I've still got you. That's all I need."

"You sure?" He said quietly as he turned his head to glance at her. Rose frowned at him softly, giving a small sigh.

"_Yes_. I've told you this enough times now, Doctor. He was a part of my life. Just like Jimmy was, like Mickey….I love him. But you're my life, yeah? Shiver and shake." A small smile passed between them as they reclined on the bed_._

"So, come on. Where to next?" The Doctor sat up all of a sudden, dragging Rose by the hand.

"Doctor!" She squealed as she was dragged along. The Doctor gave her a melodramatic sigh, and let go of her.

"What?" Leaning against the doorway he raised an eyebrow, at the same time trying to hide a smirk.

"Give me a minute to clean myself up. I need to redo my make-up and stuff. It's a mess." She laughed as she sat herself down at the vanity mirror.

"Rose, I've told you that you don't need all of that stuff." He said tenderly. Rose caught his eye in the mirror and blushed prettily.

"Well...I like wearing it, so....yeah." She picked up the mascara wand and proceeded to gently apply it. The Doctor watched her for a moment, then pushed himself from the door frame.

"O.k. Well, just meet me in the console room when you're finished. And think of somewhere you want to go!" He called over his shoulder as he walked down the corridor. Rose shook her head good naturedly.

"You're mad." She whispered to herself with a grin. Within ten minutes she had finished primping herself, and she found herself gazing at the ring on her hand. John was amazing. He had been perfect. Of course he had been perfect, he was designed for her. But that didn't mean he wasn't real. And she'd always remember everthing, she treasured the memories. They were locked away in the back of her mind, forever stored there perfectly.

Sighing shakily, Rose slowly removed the diamond ring from her finger, placing it gently on the table. She felt lighter, as if she might fly away without it.

"Rose, are you coming or not?" The Doctor peered around the door frame.

"Yeah....yeah. Come on. I think I know where I wanna go." She slipped the ring into her jewellery box quickly before she stood.

"Where?" Taking his hand, she led him down the corridor.

"A beach. A proper English beach with fish and chips , and a dodgy pier."

"Why there?" Rose stopped tugging him along as she reached the control room, and wrapped his arms around her.

"I think....that even though this life of ours is fantastically weird and wonderful....we all need a bit of normality in our lives. And that includes you, Doctor." The man in question looked down at her, beaming.

"I think you're right. Come on!" Clasping her hand in his, he pulled her to the control panel, instructing her to pull and press this and that. As her hands flew across the buttons, the Doctor noticed the absence of the glittering diamond on her finger.

"Rose?"

"Yeah?" He swallowed hard before continuing.

"I'm so glad I have you." Rose flicked the hair from her eyes and smiled.

"Me too." A moment passed with them just looking at the other, before both blushed furiously and went back to their respective tasks.

* * *

And locked away tight in her jewellery box, the memories of them both would stay. Occasionally the ring would be pulled out and gazed at, a warmth filling Rose's mind instead of the bitter cold that once did. The ache at the things she'd never have was gone. It didn't matter that she wasn't going to get married or have children. That was o.k. Because when it all came down to it, she didn't need it. She had her Doctor, and that was all she needed. She loved him. And although he may never say it, she knows that he loves her too.

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**That's it! I hope you all liked it and enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Tell me what you thought! xxx**


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